That's A Stabbin'

Have you ever gotten so angry at someone that you can't even finish what it is that you're doing because it's much more important for you to jump up and stab that person right that very second? Yes? No? Well, if your answer was no, then you are clearly not David Davis of Stamford, Connecticut. He chose stabbing over finishing his haircut. And for more reasons that one, he should have just continued with the haircut and then commenced with all of the stabbing.

Here's the story: The aforementioned Mr. Davis was having his hair cut at an apartment. Now, that's not the typical place one goes for a haircut (if one is older than five, that is), so I guess I shouldn't be overly surprised that not a lot of typical stuff went on during this haircut. The Huffington Post tells us that midway through his haircut, he felt the need to jump up, grab a pair of scissors (which I'm assuming were being used by his 'barber') and stab another man in the back. I would really like to know what was so enraging to Mr. Davis that he just couldn't sit there any longer and felt the need to really get a-stabbin' immediately.

At some point, the police showed up after Mr. Davis had impaled and fled. No problem, though. The police dog found him hiding in a nearby apartment and he was arrested. Yeah, it's a shame that he didn't get to finish his haircut before his mugshot. If you're going to commit a crime, try to make sure that you won't look like a complete freakazoid when you eventually get arrested and photographed. Behold!

Good Lord. Granted, he looks like a complete fool in that photo, but judging from the size of that 'fro, he wasn't exactly overly dapper to begin with. And according to him, the fracas got started when he was approached by the stabee the victim in what he described as "an aggressive manner." That's why he picked up the scissors. It was self-defense. It is hard to imagine how much defending himself he had to do when you consider that the victim was stabbed in the back. Usually, when people have their back to me, I'm not really feeling all that threatened by them. I certainly don't feel the need to arm myself with a pair of scissors. But then again, I have no idea what goes down in the haircutting hoods of Stamford.

Hardly A Spree

We have a winner! Yep, with only a little over a month left to go in the year, I think we have a winner for Mugshot of the Year. Sure, there have been a lot of notable ones up to this point, but I really think this guy is going to be hard to top. Behold!

Yep. There you have it. Did I tell you? It's a winner. Apparently, the chap in that photo is a one Mark Siebenmorgen and according to the news footage over there at KATU (that's in Portland, Oregon), he "...went on a one-man crime spree last month in Milwaukie and when they caught him he graced them with this priceless look for his mug shot." Huh. Crime spree, eh? Like what kind of a crime spree? Apparently in Portland, the "crime spree" occurred when he "...walked up to a total stranger and shoved him to the ground. Minutes later, he jumped on a car, stomped on its hood, flexed his muscles and kicked out the windshield before running away. Police say they caught Siebenmorgen the next day after he showed up at a Safeway at southeast King Street making rude comments to employees." Wait. What?

THAT'S your crime spree? It sounds to me like the guy thought he was the Incredible Hulk, only without all of the turning green and hulking. I don't know if I'd call that a "crime spree". Granted, it's awfully erratic, but where is the spree part? The shoving part is uncalled for at best. Is that a crime? I guess it's assault. Kicking the windshield in is definitely a crime. Being rude to Safeway employees isn't exactly good manners, but it's hardly a crime. And this whole story is hardly worthy of the moniker "spree". No wonder he looks so crazed. He's totally misunderstood. Yeah. That's it.