Worst Christmas Song Ever

I do believe that I have stumbled upon the worst Christmas song ever. And I'm sure you have your guesses, but I feel fairly confident in saying that none of your choices will include this one. And believe me, it was hard to choose between this one and any of Bob Dylan's Christmas songs which seem to include an ample amount of lung butter being regurgitated when he sings them. (Who thought a Bob Dylan Christmas album was a good idea? It is an awful piece of....music. It scares small children and some adults, like me.) But I'm comfortable with my choice for a couple of reasons.

Reason One: It's by John Denver. Who would have thought that the guy who played Gilligan would also record a Christmas song? (What's that? That was Bob Denver? Huh. Sooo...John Denver was...the guy who thought he was such a big shot that he didn't need to make sure he had enough gas in his plane? Is that him? OK, now I'm with you!)

Reason One (now that I know who I'm talking about): It's by John Denver. Who would have thought that the late bespectacled American crooner would be capable of putting out a terrible Christmas song. He tends to have a rather soothing voice. Though more than a couple songs in a row and I kind of want to claw my ears off.

Reason Two: The lyrics are absolutely depressing. They're not melancholy or wistful holiday prose that makes you think back to the Christmases of yore with fond memories of those Norman Rockwell-esque times. No, they remind you that your dad is a drunk and he gets drunk on holidays and last Christmas, he fell down under the Christmas tree and made your mom cry! HOW is that even considered a Christmas song and not some sort of Yuletide suicide anthem?!

The song is entitled "Please Daddy (Don't Get Drunk This Christmas)" and it's just like what it sounds like. It's supposed to be a little almost-eight-year old boy who is pleading with his father to not get drunk like he did last year when he fell under the Christmas tree and the little boy had to see his mom cry at the sight of her lush of a husband rolling on the floor on the day of the celebration of the birth of Christ!

I've included the song below and the lyrics below that. Please don't blow your head off after listening to it. It's not a very Christmas-y thing to do.

Please Daddy, don’t get drunk this Christmas

I don’t wanna see my Momma cry

Please Daddy, don’t get drunk this Christmas

I don’t wanna see my Momma cry

Just last year when I was only seven

And now I’m almost eight as you can see

You came home at a quarter past eleven

Fell down underneath our Christmas tree

Please Daddy, don’t get drunk this Christmas

I don’t wanna see my Momma cry

Please Daddy, don’t get drunk this Christmas

I don’t wanna see my Momma cry

Momma smiled and looked outside the window

She told me son, you better go upstairs

Then you laughed and hollered Merry Christmas

I turned around and saw my Momma’s tears

Please Daddy, don’t get drunk this Christmas

I don’t wanna see my Momma cry

Please Daddy, don’t get drunk this Christmas

I don’t wanna see my Momma cry

No, I don’t wanna see my Momma cry

Quote: Julia Alvarez + New Books + Playlist

"I think that one of the reasons I began as a poet, and poetry was my first love, in English, was because...I especially like cadenced, rhymed poetry, and poetry in English was a way of still speaking Spanish. Because it made language more musical, more cadenced...rhyme, of course, because every other word in Spanish rhymes with an "a" or an "o" ending, so there was a way in which, to me, English poetry was a way to speak Spanish in English."
--author Julia Alvarez (1950-), in conversation with J. Robert Lennon, Writers at Cornell podcasts

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Congratulations to Patricia Spears Jones, a poet I've known and admired since my Boston days, whose new book of poems Painkiller (Tia Chucha Press, 2010) is now out!

Congratulations also to my colleague Ed Roberson, whose new book of poems To See the Earth Before the End of the World (Wesleyan Poetry Series, 2010) is now out!

And congratulations to Duriel E. Harris, my fellow Poets Theatrician, whose new book Amnesiac (Sheep's Meadow Press, 2010) is now out!

I'm hardly saying anything new when I note that these are three of the most original and interesting poets writing today, so if you can, please pick up their books and support them and poetry publishing in general!

And finally, congratulations to Bahian author Valdeck Almeida de Jesus, whose new book Yes, I am Gay. So, What?: Alice in Wonderland (iUniverse, 2010) is now out. I wrote a brief introduction to this novella, which Valdeck has written in both English (he's the author of 3 English-language books) and Portuguese (to be published soon, and he's already issued 15 books in his native language). It is, to put it simply, quite a tale!

You can purchase all of these books at your local bookstore (if they don't have them in stock, ask that they order 2 copies, so that one will be on the shelf for someone else), directly from the publisher, or via Barnes & Noble or Powell's.

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It's been a while since I've posted a playlist of music I've been listening to of late, so here are a dozen or so pieces on my playlist:

"Whip My Hair" - Willow Smith (I haven't tired of this song yet!)
"Tenderoni" - Kele
"Monster" - Kanye West, featuring JAY-Z, Rick Ross, and Nicki Minaj)** I love this entire album--one of Yeezy's best!
"FANTASY" - Battles
"Summer Mood" - Best Coast
"Walk Tall" - Kele
"Dust" - Van Hunt
"Free" - Marcus Miller and Corinne Bailey Rae
"Samba em Preludio" - Esperanza Spalding
"Dead Strings" - Tyondai Braxton
"These Foolish Things (Remind Me of You) - Etta James
"King of the Beach" - Wavves
"Speakers Going Hammer"- Soulja Boy Tell Em
"Mojo So Dope" - Kid Cudi

& anything by Aretha Franklin, who has cancer. May she defeat it and keep making her incomparable music for years to come. As I tweeted earlier, "I say a little prayer for you..."


And a few videos of the above:

Kele, "Tenderoni"

Best Coast, "Walking Away"

Tyondai Braxton, "Dead Strings" (Part 1/2)

Kanye West (featuring Nikki Minaj and Bon Iver), "Monster" (live at the Bowery Ballroom) [I would have paid a prince's ransom to see this show live!]

Battles, "Fantasy" (not an official video)

Uncomfortably Numb

This is clearly the worst cover "band" on the planet. And if any of their other songs that they "play" are anything like this one, they're moving closer toward the worst band on the planet, period. I realize that I'm using the term "band" loosely, as they're absolutely horrible. Towards the end, the look on the singer's face makes me realize that even he knows they couldn't place last at a 4th grade talent show.

If the video below doesn't play, you can try clicking here to watch it over at YouTube.