He's Keith Fenimore

I'm all for an experiment. I'm really all for an experiment where the results don't seem like they'd be all that exciting, but just might turn out to be rather interesting regardless of which way things turn out. And if I can do my part and have it count for a daily post, I'm in!


Here's the scoop: There's this guy. What's his name...um....hold on...oh. That's right. Keith. Keith Fenimore. Now, Keith's name might not be all that familiar to you (as it took me a full minute and a half to remember it), but his face just might be really familiar to you in the very short future. Meet Keith. Behold!

That's him. That's Keith. Remember that face because you're (hopefully) going to see a lot of it. At the very least, you're hopefully going to be hearing more about Keith. According to our friends over there at Asylum, Keith is "...pursuing his goal of being named "America's most recognized face." According to the article, the premise goes something like this: "to build momentum via various media platforms until everyone in America knows who he is." Apparently, wearing that shirt is part of his plan. (No, I don't know why the "I'm" is in the middle. Some unknown textile recognition implement, perhaps?)

I wasn't sure if I needed to know who one more person was in this world. I'm perfectly happy not meeting anyone else for the rest of my life (as so many folks turn out to be bat nut crazy). But since I don't actually have to meet Keith, I figured this was an experiment I could totally get behind. (If he shows up on my front porch, however, deal's off.) And he's not even going to TRY to get me to like him. He just wants me to know who he is. As he puts it "To be recognized, I don't need people to like me. I just need them to see my face and recognize it." (I realize that kind of sounds very similar to the way that I just put it, but at least you know that I know what I'm talking about.)

When Keith started this quest, he didn't have an online persona at all. Brace yourselves. He did NOT have a Facebook! (I know! The horror!) He didn't have a Twitter account and thus, did not tweet. (You've really gotta respect a guy who doesn't tweet.) He didn't even have some fancy-shmancy web page proclaiming how great he was. (He has a website now, but that's because of trying to become recognized. Duh. I still wouldn't call it fancy-shmancy, though.) Nope. He was just anonymous Keith. But he's hoping to change all of that by just getting pictures of his face out there so that people can become acquainted with who he is.

I'm OK with this idea. Think about all of the completely useless people out there that we know who they are for no particular reason. Paris Hilton? A total waste of space. Kim Kardashian? Nice ass, but again, a total waste of space. Neither one of them did anything other than shove their face out there for all the world to see over and over and over again until we had to know who they were. The problem with those two is that once they became recognizable, they someone convinced themselves that they had done something. Meanwhile, we're still stuck with them.

I don't think that Keith is a guy who we are going to mind being stuck with, provided that all goes well. He claims via the Asylum article that "...his intentions are pure and have nothing to do with being famous as a means to make more money, sell more books or any other end. " And I think I believe him. But even if he does end up making some money or securing a book deal (which would make me jealous as hell and I had at least better secure a mention in said book), good for him. At least he's doing something to warrant it. Do you know how many crappy books are out there by people that we've never even heard of? Exactly!

So I wanted to do my part. I like getting in on the ground floor of things. I became his friend on Facebook and that exposed him to my vast network of friends. (I use the term "vast network" extremely loosely and simply because I can!) And I'm writing this post and including as many pictures of Keith as I can. (I was going to mention that I thought Keith was kind of cute, but I just read over on his website that he's married to a "sexy woman", so there's no sense in that now.) I'm interested in how this one is going to turn out. I'm hoping that he can get himself so recognized that it blasts the Kardashians and Paris Hilton into obscurity. God, wouldn't that be great? That's why, as much as we want to count on him to succeed, he needs to count on us. So remember his face. Remember his name. It's Keith Fenimore. And he's better than the Kardashians! Good luck, Keith! We're counting on you!

Keep Your Shirt On!

As you may or may not care to be aware, President Barry is vacationing in Hawaii, the state where he was born (NOT Kenya!). The other day, the White House issues "strict instructions" (whatever that is supposed to mean) that they were not allowing anyone to take any pictures of President Barry without his shirt on. Isn't he the leader of the "free world"? Doesn't sound so "free" if pictures can't be taken of him without his shirt on. But what if someone were to take a picture of a shirtless President Barry? Would that be so bad? Have you seen him without his shirt on before? Hell, no, it wouldn't be that bad. Behold!

See? I don't see what's so wrong with that! He looks fine! Since when can someone lay down rules about what one can and cannot photograph? In America! Don't get me wrong. If they were going to say that no one can take a picture of the President shirtless, I certainly wish they would have made that rule long before now. Do you know how many other Presidents have been photographed shirtless? Way too many for my taste, thanks. Let's have a look. We'll start with Bill Clinton. Really? Did we need to see this? Behold!

Put your shirt back on. Please? I also found the picture below of ol' Willie Jeff shirtless. I don't quite understand what's going on to each side of him, but I'm sure that he found it pleasurable. Probably in more ways than one.

Here's Ronald Reagan sans shirt. Why wasn't there a moratorium on photos like THIS?!

No, I don't know why it's in black and white. I'm pretty sure that he was President during the years of color photography (even though he probably spent most of his life sitting for oil paintings). And here's Gerald Ford without a shirt.

Not bad, but he's kind of old so it's kind of weird. And what's with the poolside robe? Was that an early 1970s trademark? Wearing a robe before taking a dip? Interesting. And again with the black and white picture. Here's Lyndon B. Johnson getting as close to shirtless as I am comfortable with, as he shows reporters his scar from his gall bladder surgery.
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How many of us know an old guy who is just like that? They'll start telling you a story about something that happened to them and the next thing you know, they're practically disrobing right in front of you as if you wouldn't believe them otherwise. No, no! I believe that you almost had your grundle shot off by the Nazis, Grandpa! Put your pants back on!

I just don't get what the big deal is. If President Barry doesn't want his picture taken without his shirt on, as the leader of the free world (with the key word there being "free") I suggest that he keep his shirt on rather than telling folks what they can and can't take a picture of. I'm also going to say that I'll be deeply disappointing in all of the paparazzi out there if they can't manage to get a picture of him shirtless anyway. That's their job. After all, the word "paparazzi" is derived from an old Italian term meaning "A-holes who invade your privacy to get pictures that tabloids will pay for". Chop-chop!

End Of Credits Amusement

Two And A Half Men is the highest rated show on TV. The star of the show, a one unpredictable and often knife wielding Charlie Sheen, is the highest paid actor on TV, raking in somewhere around $1.8 million PER EPISODE. And it's sort of morphed to the point where it isn't really a sitcom anymore. It's more reality show, as it is really mirroring Charlie Sheen's crazy-ass life these days. You'd expect it to maybe be on the Biography Channel or something. Or that maybe it's one of those E! True Hollywood Story shows. Either way, it seems to mirror his violent and out of control life rather closely and no one seems to care. It's starting to get a little odd is what it is.

At the end of this past Monday's episode, after the credits rolled, something flashed on the screen that looked like a letter or a list. It was quick. You wouldn't have been able to read it without pausing the screen. Yes, this is what I have chosen to do with the advent of technology like the DVR. I've chosen to wait until the end of a show's credits are done rolling and then see if anything interesting pops up. OK, that's a little bit more about how I've chosen to spend my time as opposed to how I use technology, but it sounds a little more pathetic when I talk about it in terms of myself. Just go with it, will you? Thanks.

So, I rewind and I pause the screen. To my amusement, it was, in fact, a list. And just like the show, it was an imitation of life itself. Let's take a gander at it.

To Do List:

Recalibrate the line behind fiction and reality.

Meditate using new mantra: High ratings do not equate to high self-esteem. High ratings do not equate to high self-esteem.

Go to Al-Anon meeting.

Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying, "No comment."

Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying, "As far as I know, everything's terrific."

Write a country song entitled "Hooker in the Closet". Chorus: There's a hooker in the closet, 'neath the monogrammed robes. Don't know how she got there, and I can't find my clothes. Officer Krooky, how are you tonight? I've misplaced my watch but I'm feelin' all right." Donate royalties to women's shelter.

Quit the business and teach creative writing at Cal State Bakersfield. Fresno?

Bite the hand that feeds you because you've had more than enough to eat.

Hire a publicist to put a positive spin on this vanity card.

Wow. Just wow. Art imitating life, indeed. I really wish that there was some music to set to the lyrics of Hooker in the Closet. It sounds like a winner. Maybe not an Emmy award winning winner or anything like that, but more like a played-all-over-the-Internet-sort-of-winner. It worked for Antoine Dodson. There's nothing wrong with it. Don't judge. The point here is that it's both hilarious and rather odd all at the same time. I guess the lesson to be learned here is that if you just embrace who you are, whether it be an upstanding member of society or a naked, drunk, crazed actor with his face covered in cocaine, scaring the bejeezus out of a $12,000 a night hooker, you'll do just fine. People will be more accepting of who you are, what you do, who you do it with and how you do it if you just don't shy from who you are and embrace yourself. And believe me, embracing yourself will get you a lot farther than holding a knife to your wife's throat on Christmas Day. Allegedly.