Reasons To Wear A Helmet When Protesting

If you're going to riot and try to overthrow a government, you'd better be prepared. Sure, you get there with a full head of steam and that's a good start. But you've really got to bring your A-game. Er, your A-riot. You also have to bring your rioting stuff. Aka, your gear or your equipment. From what I can tell, over there in Egypt, that would amount to a lot of rocks. After you have your gear, there's a procedure that you must follow. You're going to take your rocks and you're going to throw them. Got it? Good. Now, while you're throwing said rocks amongst the unsaid chaos that is erupting, your goal will be two-fold. Fold One: Try to get your rock to hit whatever the target that you have determined is. Fold Two: Try not to get hit with rocks from other people on the opposing side who are doing the same thing that you're doing, only in reverse. And in order to best accomplish Fold Two, you're going to need a helmet. Good luck finding a real helmet in Egypt. It's not like they sell them at the Camel Feed n' Fuel. You're going to have to improvise. And it just so happens that I found some pictures over there at LIFE that will give you some good idea for said improvisation. It will also give you some ideas of what not do to. Let's begin.

This man has put a large mushroom on his head. That is not going to work at all. On top of that, he looks ridiculous. No one can take a rioter seriously if they look like a moron. I don't even know what he thinks that is going to do for his dome. It's not going to do much, I'll tell you that right now. Is it an Egyptian sombrero? I don't think anyone really knows. Cool shades, though. Those will help. Or not.

This nitwit with the traffic cone on his melon isn't going to fare much better. I will concede that it is better than nothing. But wouldn't you think that wearing a bright orange cone on your head is kind of just asking to be made into a target? If you have to aim for something, aim for the cone. Not a good idea if you're really trying to avoid cranial damage.

Next up, the sauce pot. "Hey, Jim! How big is your head?" "I'm not sure." "Well, do you think you could fit it into a six-quart pot?" "I don't know. Do you have an eight-quart pot?" "I do, but I think that will be too big." "Don't worry. I'll shove some cloth napkins in it so it will fit snugly and then I'll tie it to my melon with a necktie." "Oh, OK. I'm glad you've give this some thought. I'm going to wear the colander." "OK. Now let's get ready to rumble!" (By the way, if anyone can tell me what he has written on his pot, I would be very appreciative. And all of you yay-hoos who are going to tell me it says something like "Bring to a boil before adding pasta" can just save it!)
There might not be a more versatile item than the plastic milk crate. It is milk crates that allowed me to decorate my first few abodes in the style of "Early Dorm Room". They made for great bookshelves and they helped support the planks of wood that would serve as the TV stand. And not only can they be furniture, they can also be protective headwear. Who knew? (And while I also used cinder blocks in place of the milk crates from time to time, they would not have been near as effective as a helmet as the milk crates appear to be.)

The protester below is on the right track with his or her impromptu helmet-izing. The mesh metal front seems like an excellent idea to protect your fact. Whatever there is on the top, however, does not seem adequate at all. It looks to be like a dishtowel and a piece of cardboard. Well, that's not going to do much when a rock lands on you. Nope. Not much at all. But if you're getting rocks thrown directly at you, this seems like it might be of some use. It also has a sort of medieval look to it that I really enjoy.

This person is a moron. What does he think that little piece of cardboard is going to do? Keep the sun out of his eyes? Maybe he has already been hit in the head and that is why he thinks that what he is doing will effectively protect his noggin. News flash: It won't. He'll be knocked unconscious by the first piece of rugged concrete to rain down upon him. He really needs to hook up with milk crate guy or sauce pot head.

This guy isn't going to get much more protection than the corrugated warrior seen above. He appears to have stolen the lid from Oscar the Grouch's trash can and is using it as protection. I fear for him and his cranium. I hope his hand-eye coordination is good. He's going to need it.

At least those guys are trying to protect themselves. Because you know what happens when you don't try to protect yourself and you go wading right out into the middle of a protest? You end up like this guy:

Yipes. That's all for today, kids! And remember, wear a helmet!

Egyptian Protest Signage Glory

My love of protest signs is not limited to just those nutty ones here in the United States. No, I'm all for a good protest sign no matter where it is. And in Egypt, where they are actually having a protest that means something (as opposed to the "protests" that we see in the US where a bunch of people shout non-sensicals at each other for a few hours and then go home to watch American Idol), there are some great signs. The best part (well, for me) is that the majority of the signs appear to be written in English. I can't quite narrow it down to whether that is because not a lot of the Egyptians can read/write Arabic or because they want the rest of the world to know what they're saying. Whatever it is, I appreciate all of the English over there in spite of all of the turmoil. Let's take a look at some of them. Please note that some of these guys really seemed to put some time and effort into their signage. Unlike the yo-yos over here who protest the "public option" in the health care bill by sporting a sign announcing their disapproval of the "pubic option". Yeah, that doesn't help anyone, really.

The one below is interesting to me. On the one hand, the woman protesting does not like Murbarak and wants him out. On the other hand, the woman protesting is still wearing the full beekeeper's uniform. What's up with that? You'd think that she'd be done with that sort of oppression as well. But nope! She's not. Good for her for getting out there, though. I know that I should just be happy that she's at least doing that, but it's hard to be happy for anyone when they're in the full beekeeper's outfit. She might not end up with an repressed country (albeit, that is unlikely), but she'll still be repressed in her own home. I find that sad. And annoying.

I like this guy's sign. It's on a peaceful mauve-ish background and he looks just as peaceful. He spells out his disgruntled-ness very clearly and backs it up with numbers. It's nice. I enjoy a bit of forethought in a sign.

I'm also a big fan of a simple message. The one below doesn't get any simpler. Two words. Beautifully said. (Do you think that Murbarak has ever played a video game? For some reason, I don't think that he has. Regardless, it's not like the message won't translate because it does. It says "Get out" very clearly.) No sense in mincing words when you've got a revolution on your hands.

And I like a simple message. Like this next one. Even though he seemingly spelled 'Murbarak' wrong, I'm going to give him a pass. After all, the turmoil over there is insane. He might have been in a hurry or something. But unlike 'public option' as opposed to 'pubic option', we all still know what he means.

I had noticed that Mubarak has a rather cartoonish look to him. Fortunately, this observation was not solely wasted on just me. Other people have apparently noticed it as well. The guy below Incorporated it into his simple, but most excellent sign.

I have no idea what so ever what the sign below is supposed to mean. That's the cow from the little delicious cheeses, isn't it? The Laughing Cow? Why is he on a Murbarak protest sign? Is there a Mubarak-cheese correlation? Mubarak and cows? They want cheese, but Murbarak does not? The cows he lets them have don't make cheese? OK, I'm totally surmising all of these points. I have no clue as to what that's about. I also don't know why that guy's head is so big, either. Seriously, it's gigantic. Maybe after all of the protesting, he can go and have that looked at. He's going to topple over one of these days from the weight of his enormous dome.

There are also a lot of really small signs. And since I doubt that the signs themselves do any good, I guess a small sign is better than no sign at all, right? Maybe? I think that was rhetorical. Let's look at some small signs like this one:

Or this one:

Or even this one:

All rather small. All with a common theme. That is, all want Mubarak to get out. And why? I think this guy below sums it up fairly well. (And we all get to forgive his misspelling of 'criminal' as he seems to have taken quite the blow to the noggin there. If you're bleeding from your head, you can spell stuff anyway that you'd like, OK? OK.)

And hey! Look! At Hitler reference! I thought we were the only ones who made such ridiculous comparisons! I guess not. I guess that no matter where you are or what you're protesting, a protest just isn't a protest without a Hitler comparison! Behold!

Hmm. Who does he look like in that picture? Someone. Alec Baldwin? No. No, that's not it. He looks like someone. (Someone else, you smart alec!) If you figure out who he looks like, please let me know. In the meantime, I'd like to have the guy with the sign below be the one who sums up why all of the uprising is going on. He's there and I'm not and I think that he says it a lot clearer and a lot simpler than the majority of analysts and pundits are trying to.

Yep. People really hate you. Now what say you just step down and hop on your jet and live out the rest of your years in ill-begotten luxury somewhere else, all right? OK, thanks. Bye.

Riot Like An Egyptian

Well. It's going DOWN in Egypt. The proverbial poo has hit the proverbial fan and it is chaos over yonder in Cairo. And while I don't want to oversimplify the whole ordeal, I do want to point a couple of things out.

First, I'm not pro-dictatorship. Dictators are really bossy. I don't like it when someone thinks that they're the boss of me, so I have to imagine that the Egyptians aren't all that keen on it either. But we're talking about one of the Sand Lands. So, you know what could be the alternative to the current government? That's right. A government that is based on Islamic Fundamentalism. That would not be good for our relations with Egypt. It certainly wouldn't bode well for Israel. They're already worried that Iran is going to get all froggy and do something. I can't imagine that they'd be real thrilled about having to watch their backs for the same sort of behavior from the Egyptians. Just remember, different doesn't always mean better. While getting rid of a dictator sounds like a good idea, it's not like they're going to end up with a democracy that is identical to that of the United States'.

That brings me to my second point. If you think that this is going to happen overnight, you're wrong. Please remember that after the uprising in Tunisia, they had three different presidents in ONE DAY! (Imagine their State of the Union addresses! "Are you better off than you were at lunchtime?") Even if the current government is overthrown, it will likely be YEARS before there is anything overly functional over there. Again, it certainly isn't going to end up looking like the United States. I totally get that all of those folks who think that the United States is so freaking great could not possibly understand why other countries would not want to mold their government in an exact mirror image of what we have going on over here. I get that. I just don't know how to explain to them that it's not true. A lot of those Sand Lands are ruled by religion (and not always in a good way). Have we learned nothing from what went down in Iraq? Apparently not. Morons.

And finally, while I'm all in favor of a nice revolution, you know what I'm not in favor of? I'm not so much in favor of the asshats that look at a time of political unrest as a justification to start looting stuff. People who are out there stealing stuff don't seem to have as much of an interest in overthrowing the government as much as they do getting a new TV for free. Same goes with looting the museums and ripping the heads off of the mummies. No one wants to see that and it perplexes me as to why someone would do that. The merchants of Egypt have little to do with the dictatorship. And I'm pretty sure that the mummies are completely blameless. So stop breaking their windows and stealing their stuff. And leave the dead guy's dome in tact, would you? You folks want to rain down your disgruntledness (it's a word) on the palaces and things like that? Have at it. Burn them to the ground if you want to (just don't tell anyone that I said it was OK). But try and stay focused, rebels. You've got a job to do. You can't carry out a thorough and effective ousting if you're running through the streets of Cairo with a flat screen TV that you just swiped from the Kwik-E-Mart. Focus, people. Focus!