Unaired But Now Unlocked!

The Super Bowl is tomorrow! And even though I am a die-hard, completely loyal, San Francisco 49ers fan, I will be watching the game. Why? Well, first of all because football is awesome. And second, watching games with good teams remind me of how football is supposed to be played. Being as how the 49ers have been in the tank for the better part of the last 15 years, I tend to forget how the game is supposed to be played if you want to win.

And as I've mentioned before, I do enjoy a good Super Bowl commercial. I still haven't quite figured out why there isn't as much effort the rest of the year put into good commercials as there is for the ones that air during the Super Bowl. It would make me much more tolerant of them, I'll tell you that. And along a common theme with the previously unaired Bud Light commercials that I discussed here, Bud Light has created another one that seems to take place in the same workplace full of Bud Light loving losers. And this one hasn't technically been released yet! Sure, you can find it on You Tube, but you have to know what you're looking for. As a card carrying member of the Bud Light Facebook page (yeah, right, like I'm not going to take an opportunity to click "Like" for Bud Light), I have been given privileged access to this new commercial. And I'm taking the opportunity to share it with you. Enjoy. And behold! (And, as always, if that doesn't work, try watching it here.)

The Clothing Drive

Sorry for yesterday's post being super uber late. I haven't felt all that great in the last couple of days. (I don't like to say that I'm sick or getting sick because I don't like to be sick. I figure if I just avoid that terminology, everything will be fine. Try it yourself! Though you should probably be warned that it doesn't really work. Like, at all.)

So, I'm going to keep in line with the theme of Super Bowl commercials. (What? One day does not a theme make? You try feeling like I do and then saying that. Trust me. One day does a theme make!) Bud Light always seems to win when it comes to most amusing Super Bowl ads. And again, I'm not just referring to the ones that make it on the air. I have another favorite that came no where close to being aired and it is hilarious as well. It kind of has a similar theme to the Swear Jar commercial. (See?! Bud Light thought that one of something could make for a theme! I don't see why I can't.) If it worked for them, it's going to work for me. (I hope to be back in tiptop form shortly. I've been doing this every day for three years. I can't stop now! It might be some sort of Internet record!) Behold!

Effing Awesome

It's less than a week until the Super Bowl. And that means less than a week to some awesome commercials. Granted, they're not as good as they used to be. But there's usually at least one or two that will really stand out for years to come. And those that do stand out? Well, we can usually thank Bud Light for those. In fact, some of the best Super Bowl commercials (in my never to be humble opinion) are the ones that never aired. But, thanks to the accessibility of the Innerwebs and the YouTube, now they are available every day, all the time! How great is that? Pretty great, that is correct. And allow me to demonstrate just how pretty great it is with probably what is my all time favorite, never aired on TV, Bud Light ad. They call it, humbly enough, The Swear Jar. Enjoy it, you effers.

You're Not Really Offended

In another example of a company caving into allegedly "offending" a consumer (or potential consumer, I guess), we have a brewing company being informed by some overly sensitive individuals that their label was offensive and contained am image that should not be tolerated in our society anymore. Note: The person was a Wiccan astrologist and "healer". (Translation: She fancies herself a witch.) Side note: The image on the beer bottle was of a "witch" being burned at the stake. Wait. What now?

Correct. According to the delicious folks over there at Slashfood, the Port Brewing Company concocts a "...wheat beer, spiced with grapefruit zest, orange peel and coriander" called Lost Abbey Witch's Wit. Yummy. But it wasn't the deliciousness of the beverage that sparked the outrage of a one Vicki Noble. She is the aforementioned "witch" from the paragraph above. She saw the label on the bottle and flew off the proverbial broomstick handle! (That means she wrote a strongly worded email to the company.) Behold! Said label!

Huh. Cool. Kinda creepy. Good for Halloween sales, I would imagine. Sadly, capitalism isn't the focus of this tale. No, it's that there was a drawing of a person seemingly being burned at the stake with throngs of onlookers gathered 'round. THAT was the nugget of contention that Ms. Noble had with the beer. In her email she wrote: "Can you imagine them showing a black person being lynched or a Jewish person going to the oven?...Such images are simply not tolerated in our society anymore (thank the Goddess) and this one should not be, either." Oh, for cryin' out loud.

You know what the difference is between showing a black person being lynched or a Jewish person "going to the oven" and the depiction of someone being burned at the stake? The difference is that the first two might stir up some outrage because they actually happened. Witches being burned at the stake did not happen! You'd think that someone who claimed herself to be a witch would know that.

Are we really supposed to allow fake outrage at something that is allegedly offensive when it isn't even real? First of all, it's a drawing. It's not like there was a really nice color photo taken at the fiery event that was plastered on the bottle there. No, someone drew that. Second of all, witches that were tried during the Salem witch trials (which is what I'm assuming that she is wrongly referring to with all of her misplaced outrage) were generally hanged. I think that there were only around sixteen of them (not the gazillions like people have been led to believe) and they weren't burned at the stake. They were hanged. And finally, witches aren't real! Good Lord.

But what do you think the Port Brewing Company, of which Lost Abbey is a division, did? You got it. Instead of saying, "Tough witches teats" they instead will "...spend thousands of dollars to change the label." ::: sigh ::: What is wrong with you people?

Why would you do that? According to the article, a one brewery spokesman, a one Sage Osterfeld, said that "complaints flooded the brewery, accusing Port Brewing Company...of "inspiring violence against women. . . . We have been compared to the violence in Darfur." Oh, for Christ's sake! Are they burning people at the stake in Darfur? No? Then that's not a very good comparison then, is it? And it isn't crap like the labels on beer bottles that inspires violence against women. There are plenty of things that do inspire violence of all sorts, but I'm going to stick my neck out and say that beer bottle labels are NOT one of them. And I'd really like to know how many complaints "flooded the brewery". Ten? Regardless, if these people weren't loyal consumers of your brand, who gives a fat rat's ass? They can complain all they want; it's not like it's going to hurt sales or anything.

Port Brewing Company, I am deeply saddened by your actions. There is no reason why you should have had to change your awesome label. Why couldn't you have just told those who were all fake outraged that you were sorry? What did you think was going to happen if you didn't change the label? Were you afraid that they would cast a spell upon you? Psst! I'm going to let you in on a little secret. That doesn't work!

It's a shame, Port Brewing Company. Had I heard about this and heard that you did not cave in to fake outrage over a non-existent issue, I would have been tempted to go out and buy up your wonderful beverage by the truckload. But now? Now, not so much. Now I just see you as another cowardly company (not that I had ever heard of your before today, mind you, but I'm just saying) who would rather give power to the undeserving rather than stand up for what is right. I won't be buying any of your beverages in the future. Do you think that changing your label is going to make all of those "witches" flock to buy your product? I think not. Good choice, though. Reeeaaaalllly good choice.